PreschoolCreating Books To Help Young Children Cope
As parents we often forget how much of our young child's life consists of dealing with something new. Their life is constantly changing - going to the doctor's, starting a new school, the arrival of a new sibling, the first time mommy is sick, outgrowing favorite clothes or toys, changing friendships, mastering a new task or routine. We try to explain these things to our children and society has become much more sensitive to the importance of helping children to slowly absorb significant changes by encouraging visits to new schools, dentists, etc., before actually having to be there.
One of the more useful techniques to help children adjust to changes, deal with their feelings, or just feel recognized and understood is to make a book together. For example, when 5 y.o. Karen was about to go to kindergarten but seemed especially distressed about this impending change, her mother helped her to create a book about what it was going to be like to be in school. Sometimes a book just tells the facts, i.e., it is simply descriptive of what happens. With very young children this is often the best way to start.
Karen's book had just a line on each page (using small pages - if you use full size sheets, it often helps to divide them in half with a bold line), describing the process of how she gets to school, what happens when she is there, how she gets home, and what happens when she returns home. Sometimes the words are provided by the parent, especially with very young children or when the child doesn't know enough about the situation. In this case, make sure the language used closely resembles the way the child would talk. Other times the child provides the words and the parent writes them down.
Often, as one is just describing, the child will bring in feelings about the situation, which is one of the goals. Integrate that into the book as a way to help the child master the feelings. Anger, sadness, being scared are common responses to change or to parts of a child's life that are upsetting. Thus, Karen said she thought the children might not like her and the teacher might get mad at her. They put these feelings into the book, with appropriate simple drawings to illustrate. The mother was able to add some pages that pointed out how sometimes Karen and her friends get mad at each other and they get over that or that sometimes she and Mommy get mad at each other but they still love each other and they work it out. Connecting new experiences to ones the child is already familiar with is helpful.
I have most often recommended bookmaking to help a child deal with nightmares or specific fears. Putting it on paper often diminishes the intensity of the fear. Furthermore, the parent can help the child create special powers and positive endings that makes the child feel less vulnerable. Books about moving are also very helpful. Here the use of photographs (especially if the child can take them) of both the old and new home/neighborhood/school/people is very effective. Certainly, books about illness, death, divorce, and similar serious traumas can be very useful in helping a child to cope with these complex and painful events.
Books often get revised as situations change or the child's view of it changes. Sometimes books get destroyed as an expression of the child's anger about an issue. Also, books do not just have to be about distressing events. Writing about a successful accomplishment is an excellent way to help a child absorb a positive sense of self. And books can be used simply to help a child organize their lives easier, e.g., writing about daily routines such as morning, dinnertime, or bedtime can help a child learn to master the steps required of her.
This process has been described in more detail in a paperback by Dr. Robert Ziegler, "Homemade Books To Help Kids Cope" (Magination Press, New York). One of my favorite examples in the book is when a mother was starting a part-time job, so they made a book for Billy, who was in first grade, that provided an outline of the daily routines. On Tuesdays mother would be at work and wouldn't be home for dinner. After it was all done, Billy asked if he could make a new cover for the book. He went off and returned with a front page that said, "I Hate Toosday!" That provided a wonderful opportunity to process his feelings about the change.
Probably the most valuable aspect of creating books with your children is that you have taken the time to carefully listen and make a physical record of that experience that is a constant reminder to your child of your love and support.
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