Family
Day Care Concerns Revisited
A few weeks ago the media was filled with stories about a new study suggesting that excessive amounts of time spent in day care at young ages resulted in more aggressive behavior that persisted until at least 6th grade. Research results that produce headlines like these send shivers through the spines of many parents. The results of this study were particularly upsetting because for perhaps the first time it suggested that the quality of the day care didn't improve the outcome.
Since many parents have no choice but to rely on day care in order to provide for their family's financial needs, I thought I would add some perspective that hopefully will reduce some of the concerns raised by this new information.
Most important is the fact that while the results indicated an increase in behavior problems at the 6th grade level as compared to children with low use of day care, the study was very clear that the so-called problem behaviors were still within an acceptable range. Thus, the higher use of day care is not resulting in major behavior problems that require professional intervention. This is a crucial point that must be emphasized. You are not putting your child at risk for serious problems by having him spend 20 or more hours per week in day care before the age of 5. So please let out a sigh of relief and continue on.
Furthermore, as with all research, the results are group averages. This means that a substantial number of these children do not show increased aggressive behavior in later years. The authors had no answer for why some children but not others were affected in this manner. They were only able to note that it was not related to the parents' socioeconomic level or to the quality of the day care program, both typical factors that have explained such issues in the past.
So this is what I would like to focus on. How do those of you reading this article who are relying heavily on day care try to minimize any negative impact from this experience? Some possible explanations can have to do with a more sophisticated analysis of day care programming. Speculations by various child development specialists have included the possibility that some day care programs have become too focused on developing academic skills or that there is not enough focus on teaching social skills or that rooms could be too large, creating too much noise and activity for some children who need some quiet space. All these are issues for parents to consider.
I am going to focus on two issues: the fit between the child and the center; parent-child bonding. Given that only some children are negatively affected by high day care exposure, it is likely that an important issue is how each child's personality type matches the environment she is placed in. For example, children who are high energy love large space with lots of activity. Others, however, may be more sensitive to noise levels and need smaller, quieter space. Some children are very independent and don't like a lot of structure; they want more freedom to choose their own activities. Other children need more structure and may also be more dependent upon stronger connections to staff. Day care centers are going to have different styles. It is essential that parents know their child's temperament and personality well enough to understand what type of environment will best meet his needs. The right fit is most likely to result in a positive outcome and I would guess that child would be less likely to show the increased aggressive behavior reported in the study.
Another factor that was not examined in the study is the nature of the children's bonds with their parents. Obviously when both of the parents work or there is a single working parent, the availability of the parent is going to be reduced significantly. When everyone re-enters the home at the end of a long day, with only a couple of hours before bedtime for young children, with so much to be done and so little time and energy left, much can be lost in this primary time for all family members to connect. Weekends often don't provide much relief because there is so much that parents cannot get to during the week that Saturday and Sunday are overloaded with chores, errands, and other obligations. Again, parenting and marriage often suffer in terms of the lack of priority given to relationship building.
The critical question is how to make the best use of your time in order to create the strongest possible bond with each child (as well as for the marital partners but that has been covered in previous articles). Research has clearly established that the most resilient, self-disciplined children are those who have strong connections to their caretakers. For parents with limited time and energy, it can be a challenge to find ways to create essential bonding with each child.
In order to maximize the potential for building intimate connections with your children I typically focus on the importance of spending one-on-one time with each child as opposed to trying to do more things as a family. The challenge to do this varies with the number and age of your children as well as the availability of a significant other. But mostly it requires a commitment and some creativity as well as an understanding of what that time together should look like. The latter is a key issue. Parents often try to accomplish too much and then say there isn't enough time nor do they have the energy for a major activity with each child.
The reality is that very small amounts of time that have an intimate feel to them are more than sufficient. Whether it is reading a story or taking a short walk or playing a brief game or just rolling around the floor, all of this can be for only a matter of 10-15 minutes but if done on a regular basis, it creates the solid foundation that the child needs to feel you are there for her, even when you are not around.
There are other creative ways to achieve the sense of a special connection. If the schedule allows for it, taking a child out to breakfast once a week becomes a tradition that evokes a strong feeling of specialness in the child and can make up for time when you can't be there. Traditions are very critical aspects of forming strong bonds and being that very special adult in the eyes of your child. It's the predictability and the sense that the child can rely on your commitment to him that ties you together. That's why the nightly snuggle/book reading is so important. But there are many other things that can be shared activities, some determined by your child's interests (doll play, construction play, computer time, quality DVDs (yes, watching a DVD with your child snuggled at your side or lying on your belly is a very positive way to share time; don't let all the negative press about TV and videos scare you away from this); other activities can be based on your interests/needs, e.g., running an errand together can be a lot of fun if you stay as focused on the relationship as you are on completing the errand. If you have a dog, perhaps you walk the dog while your child pedals along on her tricycle. Even doing chores can be a bonding activity when done together. Instead of trying to get a young child to pick up toys, get down on the floor and do it together, sometimes allowing it to turn in to silly fun as toys get scattered about before finally ending up in a toy box.
Some children are much easier to connect with than others. This poses another challenge for parents when they have a child with a difficult temperament or when he just has a very different way about him than either parent, e.g., high energy child with laid back parents or the reverse, laid back child with high energy, outgoing parents. This requires parents to recognize and respect these differences, then to come up with joint activities that both parent and child can enjoy. This involves validating the child, giving a message that she is loved and liked for who she is even if it's different than what the parents had hoped for.
So what have we learned about this latest news regarding day care concerns. First, even when it has a negative effect, it is not creating serious childhood disorders. Second, many children are not affected in this way (more aggressive behavior) at all. Third, by finding a day care center that best matches your child's style and needs, you significantly reduce the likelihood of any negative outcome. Finally, if you can focus on being special with each of your children, they are less likely to have negative effects from higher amounts of time in day care. In fact, if you can establish that intimate bond with your children, you are reducing the likelihood of any serious problems as they get older.
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