Specialty
A Proposal for High-Quality,
Low-Cost Day Care
The hot new parenting book is Judith Warner's "Perfect Madness." Although her "research" (150 interviews) is suspect, many of her points are valid and should be familiar to my readers. "Good-enough" mothering needs to replace "perfect mothering" as the gold standard. Children should be enjoyed, not primed for maximum achievement. Mothers continue to struggle with role conflicts regarding parenting and career (not to mention marital and personal needs) and must find a way to balance their lives.
What I especially liked about the synopsis of her book ( my comments are based on Warner's article in the February 21st issue of Newsweek) is the focus on how our society does not provide the support system that mothers (and fathers) need to create a more balanced life. Warner chastises the new generation of mothers for being politically inactive and urges them to fight for policy changes that will improve conditions in a society which we all recognize as falsely espousing family values while failing to provide the programs to back that up. Of all the issues Warner identifies as needing change, the one I feel is most critical is the need for abundant, affordable, high-quality day care.
This need is especially critical for the urban and rural poor, where most families are headed by single mothers who work long hours, often two jobs, just to keep a roof over their heads and minimal food on the table. Good-enough mothering is often sacrificed in the name of survival. These children are the biggest at-risk group in our country. They are often suffering from malnutrition and inadequate health care. Most of them are minorities and the males often don't survive past 25 or become embedded in a life of crime. Quality, affordable day care would give these children the kind of start to life that would put them on a positive track to increase the likelihood of becoming healthy, productive members of society. The savings, in every sense of that word, would provide an enormous return on investment for our society.
As Warner correctly points out, however, this is not just about the poor. The women she interviewed were described as middle and upper-middle class white mothers. While these women are not literally dealing with survival, nearly all report struggling with psychological survival. Here's where I am critical of Warner. Based on her article, I think her book overstates the problem due to inadequate "research." Nevertheless, from my work with women and couples, it is clear that many mothers are drained, frustrated, and even depressed by their struggles to balance all their roles. The increased choices they were presented as a result of decades of the women's movement somehow became misconstrued as a responsibility to achieve significant goals in all aspects of life simultaneously!
Clearly, as many of us have been pointing out for years, some of this plight is self-inflicted and women need to develop life plans that set reasonable priorities. One key is recognizing that they will live longer, healthier lives than previous generations which allow them to set serial goals rather than simultaneous goals. Yet even if they do that and even if they opt for good-enough mothering, they will still need quality day care to create more balanced lives, whatever their choices are regarding family, career, community, and personal needs. Being a mother remains a 24/7 task.
Therefore, aligning myself with Warner's call for high quality but affordable day care, I would like to propose a model for a national day care system that has multiple benefits for society. The concept is relatively simple. Create day care centers in all of our middle schools and high schools. Permanent staff would be a few well-trained, well-paid supervising teachers. The actual care would be provided by students who would be required to work one day per week in their school's day care center. They would also be required to take courses in child development and child care. Of course, they would receive academic credit for the child care portion as well as the courses.
Since staffing is the single biggest cost, by using students this would be significantly reduced. The second biggest cost is rent. Although this would be manageable if we are using public buildings, I would propose some sort of federal subsidy for schools who offer these programs as well as federal and state support for construction that might be required. Minimal costs would make this affordable for all.
The real bonus here is the potential impact on our pre-teen and adolescent population. They would once again be playing an important role in society, something that has been missing in their lives since we stopped being a nation of farmers. It would be especially helpful for male teens by providing an experience that would better prepare them for the more contemporary role of father/husband. It would also provide many young children with male contact that is missing in their lives.
Fulfilling this work requirement could also be a saving experience for many alienated teens who feel undervalued and unappreciated. My experience has been that a majority of these teens (mostly males) are described as being very good with young children. As further evidence of the value of this type of experience, many schools use older students, who are faring poorly academically and/or behaviorally, as tutors for elementary school students. These programs have a positive impact on all involved.
Being in a caretaking role would give teenage boys' society's okay to openly demonstrate their tender, caring side. The more empathic our teens become, the less likely they are to victimize others. In fact, the discussion groups that would be part of their supervision would provide an excellent opportunity for exploring values, attitudes, and sense of self. This experience would have the potential to create a population of more caring adults who are actually skilled in child care, making the adjustment to becoming parents less traumatic then it is now.
Finally, since the Centers would need to be open after school hours, it would provide a place for many unsupervised teens to be doing something productive during a time of the day when too many are involved in risky behavior.
From my perspective, a nationwide policy of day care centers in our public
schools that requires all students to be caretakers is a solution with multiple
benefits and very little downside. Perhaps this is a concept that mothers could
get behind as a focus for Warner's urging for political action.
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