Specialty
One View of How God Works
The holidays, for many, are a mixture of materialistic pursuits and spiritual reflection. It seemed like a good time for me to share my own personal answer to the all-too-common question, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" It has come up a lot recently. Adults and children have been upset by the global tragedies such as the tsunami, Katrina, the earthquakes in Pakistan along with the chronic problems of starvation, AIDS, and genocide in Africa. Many patients have endured losses of family and friends before their time. Shaken by the seeming unfairness of such large scale as well as intimate loss of life, patients of all ages find their belief in God shaken by these events.
Although I am not a religious person, I consider myself a spiritual person. Thus, over the years, as part of my work as a therapist, I have engaged my patients in their efforts to make sense of the seemingly senselessness of tragedy. For most the question is simple but the answer is elusive. If God watches over each of us, how can He allow such awful things to happen to such good people? Why do two wonderful teenage sisters die in an auto accident? Why does a wonderful young man take his life in a college dorm? Why do so many innocent people die because of a hurricane or an earthquake?
Of course it is not just loss of life that raises this question. I have worked with a number of victims of clerical sexual abuse. They clearly question how God can allow this. Similarly other victims of various forms of physical and sexual abuse come to question how a caring God could fail to protect His most vulnerable children.
This loss of faith becomes a significant road block to personal recovery. It also can lead to a disconnection from previously active religious lives. Such losses are harmful and substantially alter the life path of those affected in this way, while those who can retain their beliefs and remain connected are more likely to recover from a major life crisis. This was brought home clearly by recent conversations with a mother of a child with a serious medical problem. She was able to take a path that views this as a challenge that God has placed before her, for a reason that only God understands, so she accepts her responsibility to provide the intense care her child requires and it actually strengthens her as a person.
For many people with deep religious convictions, their faith remains unmoved. They don't question their God, but rely upon their faith as a source of strength. Some, whose beliefs place less emphasis on their earthly life, who believe in the greater importance of afterlife or in the concept of reincarnation, are also able to hold onto their religious beliefs as a way to cope with life's tragedies and severe disappointments. However, they remain a relatively small minority in our society that, according to most research, has become less religious, less spiritual.
The father of the medically ill child lacks his wife's religious convictions. So he views his child's problems as an unfair burden to his life and his anger has seeped deeply into every corner of his mind and body. The result is a growing disconnection from his wife and child and a decline in his physical and mental health. This is the "cost" of losing one's spiritual core.
Seeing what happens to those who can't resolve these spiritual questions, I have, over the years, evolved a way of responding to their questions. I am sure it is not unique. In fact it is not far from what the mother of her medically challenged child has said to me. Since I am not well read in these areas, I view this as something that has evolved from my discourse with patients. However, I am sure some of my readers will be able to direct me to some writings that offer a similar perspective and I would appreciate hearing from them.
My answer is simply this: God neither manages nor protects the lives of individuals. We can pray for Him to do us special favors, but He doesn't respond to those prayers. Even God, if one believes in Him as some form of Supreme Being, could not possibly guide the life of every individual on this earth. Of course, this gets into the complex question of free will and whether our life course is predetermined. Obviously, I don't believe that to be the case, even though I, like many others, cope with disappointments, by saying if it was meant to be...or, there must be something better that will happen. Still, to believe in some form of fatalism doesn't have to mean that you believe God has a plan for each of us and makes the decisions about what happens in our lives.
I am not sure what I actually believe God to be, or if a God, as many have described Him, even exists. But to the extent that I believe in some form of higher power, some form of spiritual being, that has influenced life forces in unknown ways, then I suggest this is what God has to offer us.
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If you believe in me, I will offer you strength. I will give you the courage to cope with life's sometimes terrible ordeals. If you believe in me, you will maintain a healthy perspective of your being but a tiny piece of a vast universe. You will learn to place less emphasis on your own life and what happens to you during your life. You will focus more on appreciating the good you find in your everyday life and on the good you can do for others. You do not have to go to a place of worship to find this strength but, if that helps, please do so. However, that belief is something very personal, and you can find it in your heart and mind if you so choose.
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So, God, in my view, makes no personal promises. It's not about believing in Him and, therefore, you will have a good life. It is about believing in Him and you will always have the strength to cope with life. For many of the parents and couples who read my writings, and who have lost their way spiritually, I offer this as a roadmap to recoup some lost values that can be helpful in managing the stresses of your lives, as a way to answer some of the complex questions your children ask, or that you ask one another. I hope this is of use to at least some of you.
Happy Holidays.
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