Children
Children Who Get "Stuck"
I sometimes have this image of growing up as being on this giant, curving stairway. Each step is really a platform, filled with many new activities and expectations. I'm only supposed to have a certain amount of time on each of these platform-steps and then it's off to the next one. As I get bigger, so does the height of each step, so it always seems to take a bi-i-i-g effort to get to the next level. I do want to get to the top, really I do -- but sometimes I don't want to leave where I am. Occasionally one of the platform-steps is just such a happy place for me that I want to stay there as long as I can. Other times, when I peek ahead at the next level, it looks like it's filled with scary things and I don't want to go there, at least not yet. My mom and my dad are always offering to take my hand and help me up the stairway. But when I'm not willing to take the next step, they get very worried that I'll just sit where I am forever! Parents are silly sometimes. Who would want to sit on the same step forever? Besides, once I get to the top of the stairway, all my friends will be there, too, even if we arrived at different times. Does it really matter if I'm a little late?
I remember one of my favorite steps. It was filled with adults who played with me a lot - and friends who did too. My parents used to get upset almost every morning because I liked to play so much that I didn't pay much attention to things like getting dressed or brushing my teeth. I'd keep forgetting to do what they told me because I was too busy with my toys, making up special places in my mind where I could control everything that was happening. I was too little to really control what was happening, but my mom and dad kept saying I was running the house. I didn't know anything about running a house!
But I really did love the times when my mom snuggled with me on the couch and read to me or when my dad was playing with me. When I kept peeking at the next step, I saw that I wasn't allowed to play as much and the adults were telling me I had to do more of something called work. Work didn't sound like play. Didn't look like it either. I really didn't want to leave this step for a long time. But, eventually play wasn't as much fun as it used to be and this work stuff began to look kind of interesting. So I took that bi-i-ig step to the next platform. I was especially interested in the idea that I could read my own stories. That seemed like fun.
Uh oh! This is definitely a step I don't like the looks of. That's what I remember thinking when I saw some really weird things happening to my friends who had already gone there. They looked different and were acting funny. Their bodies were changing - I was told it was puberty, some word I didn't understand then, but I quickly knew I didn't want to have anything to do with it. Boys seemed mean and girls seemed really strange. I couldn't play with them anymore. It felt weird even to talk to them!
I still liked to play a lot. Never really forgot that favorite step when I was a lot smaller. But it didn't look like there was time to play anymore. Everyone was very worried about lots and lots of work. My parents even started to tell me I couldn't watch my favorite TV shows on school nights. Yuk. I really, really didn't want to go to this next step. I tried very hard not to. I thought if I just stopped doing my work, they would let me stay where I was. But lots of adults were getting mad at me and some were spending more time with me to make me get the work done. This wasn't much fun. And then MY body started doing weird things, too. I finally gave in and took that scary step. I hate to share this secret with you, but for a while I was so upset I actually was wetting my bed at night. That was very embarrassing. Had to go to the doctor's and he examined me where I didn't want to be examined! I think that's when I decided to get off that platform.
I remember what was one of the saddest times for me. I really liked my home and my family and my friends. But now I was supposed to take a step where everyone was making plans to leave home and go to some place called college. I didn't really want to leave but I couldn't say that to my mom and dad. I could tell they would be so disappointed. I did some really weird things then. I learned you could make believe you were taking that next step but not really do it. I just acted like the other kids who were really taking that step but what I was actually doing was trying all kinds of ways to not have to go. I didn't do my work again. (That's one of my favorite ways to try to stay where I am.) Then I started breaking rules. I hated to do that cause I really loved my mom and dad, but it actually seemed to be working. They started talking about the idea that maybe I wasn't ready to leave home. Yessss!
I heard from a friend about taking a year off from school and working. Earning money and, with no more homework, I could watch TV and play again. So I worked extra hard at messing up in school and getting into some trouble. Nothing too serious, except for that time I hung around with some kids who did something really bad and I almost got arrested. That scared me. And my parents had me see a shrink! Yuk! He blew my cover. Figured out what I was up to. Actually I had already begun to think that maybe going off to college wasn't such a bad idea after all. Besides, if I was really unhappy I could always come home again. Just like that summer when I tried overnight camp for the first time. Boy did I make my parents upset with that one. Came home after just one week. But the next summer I loved it.
Life is really a funny thing. It's just one step at a time. But sometimes you're just not ready and you get stuck for a while. Yet, here I am, at the top of the stairs. My parents said sometimes they thought I would never make it. They shouldn't have worried so much. It's quite crowded here. Looks like most of us make it, sooner or later. Wait a minute. What is this? Oh, no! It's another stairway. I'm not finished climbing yet. Why didn't they tell me adults have stairs, too? Ooh, this is strange. I can see my parents are on the same stairway, way up ahead. Maybe if I hurry I can catch up. Silly thought. Just one step at a time.
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